(I realize that the confusion that Waste used to be Boy, but then there's this guy named NotBoyAnymore causes is really a sign of poor planning on my part. That's sorta why I felt compelled to re-explain the situation.)
So, right now I am poor. So poor in fact that I wasn't quite sure if I could afford to buy food this week. If you need an idea about how low my kitchen was on food, we had four cans of vegetables, some spaghetti noodles, two oranges, shredded mozzarella cheese, soy nuts, five slices of bread, olive oil and condiments. That is a complete listing of the food in my kitchen before I went shopping yesterday.
I took some stock in my financial life. What is making me so damned poor? Well, that was an easy one to answer. The Waste. The Waste's utility bills mostly. Waste is leaving in twelve days. In the meantime, here's my plan......
1) Take the knob from the hot water in the shower in the morning when I leave for work. This will save immensely on water and gas. I will allow him to take one fifteen minute shower daily. This is more than fair for someone who goes nowhere and does nothing and does not pay for his own hot water. Normally I think he takes at least three showers a day while I am at work. He claims it is the only way he can get warm. By comparison, I get in the shower about twice per week. Yet, I have to pay for like 25 showers a week. That's 10 times what I use.
2) I can't decide what to do about the heat. See, the thing is, I don't want to pay to heat the living room when I am not in it. Right now the bedroom has no heat, so I don't have to worry about it. The living room though.... I am in there from about 6 until 10 PM everyday. When I come in, I have to turn down the heater. Waste claims it's cold in there. The other day he tried to tell me he was getting frostbite. I would rather lay under a couple blankets than turn up the heater. I would also rather not keep the heat turned up that high all day and all night. I understand that my fern and my cat and my pipes need me to have some heat on almost all of the time. I just want to keep it slightly chilly and drafty in there. Waste behaves as though I have asked him to live on the tundra. He indulges me while I am home, but then as soon as I leave, he turns the heater up. He doesn't turn it down when I come back either.
To review: I am paying to heat my living room to a higher temperature than I keep it at when I am actually in it while I am sleeping and at work.
3) The phone. I swear I am about to call Verizon and have a password put on all long distance calls. His friends live out in a neighboring county and it is a long distance call. He calls there several times a day. He doesn't pay for those calls. I don't like his friends. I don't want them coming over. I don't want to pay for him to be friends with them.
4) electricity. I can't figure this one out either. I'm trying really hard to train him to open the fridge door so damned much. I can't really make him turn off the TV and the lights when I go to bed, but I don't want to have to pay to run the lights from 10 PM when I go to bed until 3 or 4 AM when he does every single night.
Twelve more days. Twelve more days. I find it really hard to believe that he is going to leave though. Somehow it just seems too good to be true. It seems like it must be another one of his lies. I felt like I would be stuck with him forever.